I feel like I’ve learned so many thing so far in this OBS. I also feel like I have a whole lot to learn. Sometimes the time between chapters has seemed so short that I can not absorb it all. I have found it helpful to see the ways in which I stuff. The thing I found interesting about learning the different types of stuffers and exploders was that I can see it in operation now. I can identify them when I see them. I can identify them in myself (I’m a stuffer) and I can identify them in others. Most of the people I deal with are exploders. Maybe that is why I’m a stuffer. But, I am also a stuffer who collect those rocks. I always thought it was just hurts that had built up to where I couldn’t stand them and I had to get them out becaue I could no longer breath. And I think some of that if true. I don’t like that. I don’t want to collect rocks and then hurl them at anyone and cause pain for them and shame for me. I want to have a gentle and peaceful spirit, but it has to be God-controlled. If I try to do it in and by myself, I will keep failing.
I love the memory verses. Well, maybe love isn’t the right word. I love the scriptures. I am terrible at memorizing anything. When I was in college I would memorize things just long enough to take the test and then forget it. I have always admired people who can quote the Bible giving your chapter and verse. I know a lot of verses. Sometimes I even know the book they are in, but not chapter and verse. This has been good for me. Challenging, but good. I intend to keep trying.
I wrote something for my 5 step Biblical Procedure Manual. I thought if I used a word that would trigger right thinking it would help me. I was thinking about how so much of what I’ve read has really been about letting God have total control. So, I went with that word, total. Here is what I ended up with.
T – Tempted: Remember that “In Christ I am more than a conqueror”.
O – Overwhelmed: Remember that everything must bow it’s knee to the name of Jesus. Speak that Name!
T – Tired: Don’t stop now. Stay in position. Hebrew 12:1b “law aside every weight and the sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..”
A – Angry. Stay quiet before God and speak words of praise until my attitude shifts. “Be angry and sin not”
L – Longevity. My reactions spread like ripples from a rock in a lake. I want my ripples to spread God’s love, not my junk. What I say and do can affect others for good or ill for generations. Words are living containers. I want to make sure mine don’t contain poison.
So, I think this may work for me. I’m not sure yet, but it help just writing it out a few times. Maybe that is part of the plan. As we journal, as we talk together, as we pray, as we study, we are building ourselves up into the women that God has called us to become. We become the woman God already sees. God has a plan and it is a good and perfect plan. I want to position myself where it is easier to walk straight into his plan instead of walking around the same mountain year after year.
This book is not going into a pile where I can say “oh, I read that book”. What good would that be? I’m going to keep digging. I am going to let God reshape my wounded heart. That is what he is trying to do and he has been trying to do it for a long time. I see that now.